It’s that time of year again and the holidays are in full swing, wrapped with
gatherings with friends and family like garland on a Christmas tree. Despite
whatever holiday you and yours celebrate, one thing is for sure: the spirit of the
holidays is often in the alcohol that gives us a break. Though some don’t need to
drink in order for their days to be merry and bright, you may still find yourself in
need of an Uber or Lyft to get you home safe and sound late at night.
In honor of December being National Drunk and Drugged Driving Prevention Month,
it is imperative that we all make the commitment now to either steer clear of
libations or be ready to adhere to the terms and conditions of rideshare services. I
have had the extreme pleasure of providing over 3,000 rides to drunk and sober
people alike for over 5 years and actually still have genuine love for it. However,
there are a slew of things that I would like everyone to know that will help us all
enjoy the magic that is the holiday season.
DISCLAIMER: The following list stems from my own individual experiences as a
rideshare provider and some are the actual terms and conditions from Uber and
Lyft.
1. The mask mandate is STILL in effect for both Lyft and Uber.
No mask, no ride, no exceptions. I know this one is a bummer, especially for
the 22-year-old frat boy who berated me for five miles and others who don’t
believe the pandemic is real. Either way, I temporarily live with my immune-
compromised mother and my father will jump out of his grave to whoop my
a** if I get my mother sick.
Additionally, I use Uber myself and know you have to check a box that says
you have a mask and are going to wear it properly for the entirety of the ride
before your request for a ride even goes through. I don’t care what your
previous driver let you do or who you think you are. We’re two years into
this pandemic and honestly this is the worst group project I’ve ever been
apart of. Consequently, if you don’t want to wear a mask or don’t have one, I
highly suggest you walk to your destination or try Jesus, because I throw
hands. Just kidding, but I have and will leave you where you stand, even on a
cold winter’s night. No, your shirt or jacket will not suffice in place of a mask.
#Sorry not sorry.
But shout out to all the passengers who have had their mask on when I
arrive. You all are the real MVPs!
2. Alcoholic beverages are not permitted in my vehicle.
It’s crazy that I even have to mention this, especially since open containers of
alcohol are prohibited in an operating car in every state and applies to all
licensed drivers. However, here we are because some people think the rules
don’t apply to them. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good cocktail as much
as anyone, but do you really think that drink is worth compromising
someone’s livelihood if they were to be pulled over. If you read that sentence
and are now questioning the odds of Ubers and Lyfts getting pulled over,
then I’m definitely talking to you and you’re the reason why I even have to
mention this at all.
Furthermore, I’ve spent years as a server in a bar, bartender and restaurant
manager and know for a fact that you cannot enter an establishment with a
drink in tow. So why do it? It’s also extremely bad form to take a bar’s
glassware from said bar in the first place and then have the actual audacity to
get into someone’s car who is trying to get you home safely. Riddle me this,
Batman. How do you really expect to drink your overpriced hangover
inducer if you agreed to the terms and conditions by having your mask on
and wearing it properly for the entirety of the ride?
3. Please don’t ask me or any driver to go to a drive thru on a Friday or
Saturday night.
I get paid to drive and it’s bad enough to have to wait for people to start the
ride they asked me for in the first place. The weekends are what make this
job worth it and having to stop and wait for you to get food is not my idea of a
good night. I get the oil from the French fries will lead to a better morning,
but sadly I didn’t tell you to take that last Vegas Bomb so it should not have to
be my problem. In the age of Doordash, Uber Eats, Postmates, etc., I can
honestly say stopping at a drive-thru is not my job or my ministry. I’m also
sorry to report that your food will most likely be cold by the time you get to
your destination, because you can’t eat it if you’ve agreed to the terms and
conditions of wearing a mask properly for the entirety of the trip. Do you see
the trend here?
4. Sharing is caring
Let’s throw it back to the days of yore when our elementary teachers taught
us all one of the greatest lessons we have ever learned. If you don’t have
enough to share with the entire class, don’t bother to bring it. Same rules
apply today. In the event you order a round trip ride to the store or if your
multi-destination trip includes going to a drive through on a Wednesday
morning before going to work, please ask your driver if you can get them
anything. My response will always be no but simply asking does take some of
the distain out of having to wait for you when entities like Doordash, Uber
Eats, Postmates, etc., exist.
5. You will get charged up to $250 for vomiting.
I don’t make the rules, but thems the rules. I will verbally let you know about
this if you enter my vehicle green in the gills because knowledge is power
and I will pull over if need be. I will also give you a plastic bag IF I have one
in my car, but no promises. That said, l barely deal with my own bodily fluids
so rest assure I’m not dealing with someone else’s and will have to get my car
detailed. In addition to the vomit being the end of my work night, I will have
to get it detailed before I can respectfully ask someone to sit in my back seat
again. Therefore, you will be charged without remorse.
That wasn’t so bad, was it? All in all, these are pretty simple guidelines to adhere to
and pretty easy to follow if it means getting to spend another holiday with family
and friends. Now this is not he gambit of items I would like to address but this is a
starting point to which we all can be respectful to one another. Now that I think of
it, I did miss one crucial item. Singing and conversing will always be encouraged.
Especially if either of those pertain to Mariah Carey! Happy Holidays and I look
forward to getting you to your destination safe and sound.